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Grand Theft Auto is officially on its way out, as the new videogame "Electrosensitive" is breaking sales records, selling out in top video game outlets across the country.
"Electrosensitive" transforms the player into an electrosensitive individual, fully intune with her environmental surroundings. Players are dropped into a toxic 21st-century metropolis, full of electrosmog. Players level up by completing various tasks, many of which involve finding working payphones around town and then placing calls from them.
If that weren't difficult enough, players must also stay vigilant to avoid become debilitated and losing a life. A radiofrequency meter in the player's dashboard displays the current radiation levels in the environment, so players can guage their surroundings and monitor for threats. Stray too close to a source of RF radiation, and ZAP, you're dead! Loaded with a pistol, players must disarm — killing if necessary — passerby who stray too close to them with their mobiles. In public spaces, bonus points are awarded for every Wi-Fi access point that is unplugged. If you're lucky enough to find the army tank sitting around, you have a limited amount of time to plow down as many cell towers as possible before the cops catch up to you.
Players report loving the thrill of the game and say it's given them a perspective as to how truly toxic modern life has become today. "After playing the game, I put my mobile outside and used it for target practice," said one player. "At least if this becomes the next Pokemon Go, I won't get shot dead while walking down the street, now!"
In fact, many players — not content to sit around at home — are transforming the game into reality. The City of New York reports that 2,000 Wi-Fi access points around town have been unplugged or vandalized. Groups of individuals have been roaming cities looking for 5G poles to bring down. "I was in traffic yesterday and heard a gunshot, and I started freaking out," said M. Drussell of Philadelphia. "I turned around, and it turned out to be just 5G equipment getting shot up." What did Drussel do? "I got out of my truck, took the shotgun out of the back, and joined in! We had that thing going up in flames in no time!"
PTS, the nation's largest payphone provider, has complained about the excessive volume of calls its public phones are experiencing. "It used to be we'd send a tech out every month to empty the phone," PTS CEO M. Zumbo reported. "Now, we have to send techs out a couple times a week." Other techs find the situation humorous, but agree with Zumbo. "I'm just waiting for the fad to be over, so I can go back into retirement," one tech concurred.
Well, now if you see a tank driving into a cell tower, you'll at least know what's going on.
Due to the popularity of this game, citizens are cautioned against using mobiles in public. "The use of mobiles in public is generally recognized as a dangerous behavior due to the acute and chronic health effects," the White House reported. "However, due to the acuteness of death by gunshot, we would advise against all use of mobiles at this time."
Verizon has increased the security presence around its 5G equipment as a security precaution. Two armed guards are currently stationed at all 5G deployments in cities including Philadelphia, Chicago, and Atlanta. The efficacy of this move is being questioned by other telecom carriers — although Verizon guards are defending their own equipment, they make no effort to prevent enthusiastic citizens from firing at antennas owned by AT&T or T-Mobile. It is expected that other wireless carriers will be deploying their own armed security to defend their own interests.